I feel hostile today. Not in a bad way, but really in a sort of bemused way. I came in 15 minutes late. I missed 15 minutes of nothing, I got to spend 15 more minutes with my book and private thoughts. I think it was worth the disappointed look from my boss. He knows there's nothing for me to do at 9.30 in the morning.
So my colleague comes in, sits next to me, time passes. Still nothing happens so I pick up my nail file and smooth the jagged edges of the nail I broke yesterday when it collided with a desk, my hand not being in the place my eyes told me it was. My eyes lie without remorse.
I absently work at the nail, which is now shorter than the others. Like an ugly step-child. I begin smoothing away the rest of my fingernails. I remember my colleague can't bear the sound. The thought occurs to me as I feel her eyes settle on me, seeking my attention, quietly desperate to remind me of the infraction. They stay on me, on my hand working slowly, on the quiet grinding of the nail file. I ignore her. I blow the nail dust away like ashes, feel the smooth edges. Finally her eyes turn away. I feel a sardonic grin bloom inside my chest but my face is blank and I carry on smoothing jagged edges, making each nail ugly to suit the one that wound up broken.
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